My Kundalini has been giving this to me now for about a week to meditate on and contemplate;
I have meditated on it and pondered it and it seems that even though I consider myself to be a positive person in most situations in the world and to others, I am not always that kind to myself. Not only am I not always forgiving of myself but I also hold myself to much higher standards than I do others around me. I actually instead set myself up so that there is no way I can reach the standards that I set for myself in a way that my ego will ever approve of. It leaves me with a certain level of joylessness and always looking for the unachievable. I realized through this exercise that I need to allow myself to celebrate the small things and little achievements more and not be so hard on myself and to trust the divine more. Especially when I do not understand how or where she is leading me.
Forgiving is not always about just saying I forgive myself but actually inwardly being happy and joyful in the face of the Shadow and the dark places that the hurt and pain inside of us likes to hide. When we shine the light on the shadow we can not forget to bring back the bliss and joyfulness inside until the next time that we are tested. Feel the joy and be happy for real, not just in theory. We all have things we need to change and work on but if we are not supportive of ourselves from the inside and let the love of the divine reach us we are robbing ourselves right now. In the here and now. I am divine. I need to let the divine wrap around me and hold me in joy and happiness as well as looking at and trying to change the things that need to change. So after all of this I plan to try and enjoy life more and to realize that I am not disconnected from the divine and never have been. We do that to ourselves with the ego and the mistrust and the insecurities that this human life can bring. Having faith and trust in the Divine mother I move forward in happiness, joy and gratitude.